Confessions of a Quackbuster

This blog deals with healthcare consumer protection, and is therefore about quackery, healthfraud, chiropractic, and other forms of so-Called "Alternative" Medicine (sCAM).

Monday, August 22, 2005

Life University's new advertising campaign

Times have become really tough selling chiropractic education to prospective students. Life University has risen to that challenge with a new advertising campaign that has redefined the rules, so to speak.

In a candid interview with Creative Loafing, the president of Life University's marketing and advertising division, Sunny Dee said:

After careful study, we realized that Life University's greatest successes and greatest alumni contributors share certain common traits. One of them that seems to come up time and time again is a penchant for womanizing and an interest in wild sex.

We have redesigned some of our ads that we send to high school students to attract people who we think will make the best chiropractors.

One such ad featured the following picture on the front page:

Come to Life, you just never know who you might meet!

The girl in the photo is Jennifer Strauss, a stripper and current student at Life University. Jennifer's stage name is "Cindy". According to Cindy, as a stripper at Life University's Gold Club in downtown Atlanta she has her tuition paid for. She also said that she is a set for clinic, since she has met many people while dancing in the VIP rooms who are very keen to become her patient in clinic. She says you can see her shake her ass almost every night. She gives free lap dances to First quarter students.

Greg Morgan, DC, a 1996 grad from Life University, who participates in high school career nights to promote Life University says

I really envy the next generation of Life Students. When I went to Life I personally knew a couple female students who had part time jobs as strippers and let's just say that they made the clinic experience at Life quite interesting.

As a new incentive to attract students Life gives students an unlimited supply of condoms, special discounts for sex toys and lubes at local adult boutiques and unlimited access to VIP rooms at several hotspots in the Atlanta club scene.

When I was at Life I met several of my patients at an S&M club. I
have 6 younger cousins and nephews that I am going to be sending to Life, I know that they will have a great time.

According to Sunny Dee, one of the concerns that has been raised has been the bad press that chiropractors have received for a number of sexual offences and lawsuits made by patients thoughout the country. It is hoped that by giving chiropractic free access to "sowing their wild oats" while in school, it will take the edge off their urge to realize some of their fantasies with patients once they enter practise.

Sunny Dee also told Creative Loafing in an exclusive interview:

Life University has updated it's curriculum to reflect the new change in focus. Now classes on Spinal Hygiene will be integrated with techniques in advanced love-making and tantric sex. One class will teach women an arobic routine based on exotic dancing. Another communication elective that was just added is called "I like to play games too. It features role playing exercises such as a naughty version of Simon Says in which strippers act out student fantasies.

Life University always had what was called a buddy system as a means of recruiting patients. However, now they also have something called a F--- buddy system which helps students find partners of a different kind. Which will help take the edge off, especially come Board Exam time. There is no quota of course, however there are a few students who jokingly keep scorecards. Their colorful sexlife is a favorite topic of conversation during break periods between classes.

One student, who preferred not be named, said that now Life students could at least look forward to getting laid if for some reason they felt they had gotten screwed by the price of their education. Logged

(The author of this work of fictional humor is a chiropractor and former student at Life University. It is used here by permission.)

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