Confessions of a Quackbuster

This blog deals with healthcare consumer protection, and is therefore about quackery, healthfraud, chiropractic, and other forms of so-Called "Alternative" Medicine (sCAM).

Thursday, June 30, 2005

Vaccination: House MD. TV series

Vaccination: House MD. TV series

As shown last night (Australian TV).


[House walks away. Cut to the clinic and House is in an exam room with
a young mother and her baby.]

Young Mother: No formula, just mommy's healthy natural breast milk.

House: Yummy.

Young Mother: Her whole face just got swollen like this overnight.

House: Mmhmm. No fever, glands normal, missing her vaccination dates.

Young Mother: We're not vaccinating.

[Baby giggles and coos]

Young Mother: [Takes a toy frog and starts to make frog sounds]
Gribbit, gribbit, gribbit. [Giggles]

[Baby smiles and giggles too]

House: Think they don't work?

Young Mother: I think some multinational pharmaceutical company wants
me to think they work. Pad their bottom line.

House: Mmmm. May I? [He takes the frog and starts to do the gribbit
noise with the baby]

Young Mother: [Whispered] Sure.

House: Gribbit, gribbit, gribbit. [The baby laughs] All natural no
dies. That's a good business: all-natural children's toys. Those toy
companies, they don't arbitrarily mark up their frogs. They don't lie
about how much they spend in research and development. The worst a toy
company can be accused of is making a really boring frog.

[Young Mother laughs and so does House. The baby giggles again]

House: Gribbit, gribbit, gribbit. You know another really good
business? Teeny tiny baby coffins. You can get them in frog green or
fire engine red. Really. The antibodies in yummy mummy only protect
the kid for 6 months, which is why these companies think they can
gouge you. They think that you'll spend whatever they ask to keep your
kid alive. Want to change things? Prove them wrong. A few hundred
parents like you decide they'd rather let their kid die then cough up
40 bucks for a vaccination, believe me, prices will drop REALLY fast.
Gribbit, gribbit, gribbit, gribbit, gribbit.

Young Mother: Tell me what she has.

House: A cold.

[Cut to House leaving the clinic when the ducklings all approach.]