Confessions of a Quackbuster

This blog deals with healthcare consumer protection, and is therefore about quackery, healthfraud, chiropractic, and other forms of so-Called "Alternative" Medicine (sCAM).

Sunday, May 22, 2005

Special SAT Edition to Conform to New Kansas State Board of Education Requirements

(author: unknown)

Special SAT Edition to Conform to New Kansas State Board of Education Requirements.

PART A: Science

1. A strain of bacteria, after repeated exposure to an antibiotic, develops a resistance to that antibiotic. This is an example of:

A. microevolution
B. microintelligent design
C. how the liberal media lies
D. why faith healing is better than secular medicine

2. Global temperatures have risen 1 degree F since 2004. This is due to:

A. the greenhouse effect
B. unsound science
C. the Clinton administration
D. gays

3. Scientific theories such as Evolution are:

A. ones which make predictions one can test against experimental data
B. They are only theories, not scientific at all! ! p;
C. Used by eastern liberal eggheads to oppress God-fearing white people.
D. tricks of Satan

PART B: Mathematics

1. Pi is:

A. the ratio of the circumference of a circle to its diameter
B. three
C. I refuse to answer this question because some fruity liberal college professor probably made the whole thing up. Plus, we don't study this useless Pi stuff in Kansas schools.
D. Something Greek queers invented to make you homosexual against God's plan for you.

2. If dinosaurs first appeared 250 million years ago, and became extinct 185 million years later, how long ago did they become extinct?

A. 65 million years ago
B. There is no paleontological consensus that dinosaurs ever existed
C. 3500 years ago, during the Great Flood! , just as the Bible says!
D. However long ago it was th at they turned gay and lost their moral values

3. If you make $50,000 a year, and the flat income tax rate is 10%, how much money do you pay the IRS each year?

A. $5,000
B. Too much.
C. The federal govt. has no right to tax me and waste it on welfare mothers who have too many illegitimate kids and on black helicopters, and to lie to us about the aliens from outer space that everyone knows are out there in that secret place in the desert!
D. The IRS is part of the gay Mafia, anyway.

PART C: History

1. The US lost the Vietnam War because:

A. We ignored the history of Indochina and underestimated the determination of the enemy to free its country of all foreign outsiders.
B. liberals and the media wouldn't let Rambo do his job.
C. It was a tie, which mean! s we actually won.
D. Clinton made everyone in the Army turn gay and get married.

2. Who led the American army during the Revolutionary War?

A. George Washington
B. George W. Bush
C. Ronald Reagan
D. Jesus

3. Who betrayed the American army during the Revolutionary War?

A. Benedict Arnold
B. Bill Clinton
C. Hillary Clinton
D. The gays trying to violate "Don't Ask, Don't Tell"

PART D: Literature

1. What is the greatest book ever written by an American?

A. The Great Gatsby
B. A Charge to Keep
C. Left Behind 2: Tribulation Force
D. The Bible

2. In Shakespeare's "Julius Caesar", Caesar is betrayed by:

A. Brutus
B. Clinton
C. the libe ral media
D. the gays trying to get married in Rome

3. In 1609, Galileo looked through a telescope and saw four small bodies orbiting Jupiter. This showed:

A. that not all celestial bodies orbit the Earth, and that the Earth is not necessarily at the center of the Universe
B. there is no astronomical consensus that anything orbits Jupiter
C. Galileo was a biased liberal
D. God loves Christian Americans the most, which is why the Earth IS the center of the universe!


Scoring is at the discretion of your local school board.