Confessions of a Quackbuster

This blog deals with healthcare consumer protection, and is therefore about quackery, healthfraud, chiropractic, and other forms of so-Called "Alternative" Medicine (sCAM).

Sunday, January 16, 2005

Homeopathic Remedy for Chiropractic Subluxations

Homeopathic Remedy for Chiropractic Subluxations
by Jerry Muelver

Complementary Alternative Medical providers usually focus so tightly on their areas of expertise and application that they miss opportunities to cross over and provide complementary alternative treatment to other alternatives. That makes this breakthrough announcement especially significant -- it tears down the artificial boundaries between competing arts, philosophies, and sciences.

I have developed a homeopathic remedy for chiropractic subluxations!

It's so obvious, once you think rationally about it. Chiropractic subluxations are caused by stress. Physical, metaphysical, chemical, psychological, and extraterrestrial stresses can all cause subluxations. Obesity is such a stress, for sure, since the human spine is not designed for carrying excess weight. Sugar contributes to subluxation-causing obesity, as well as the stresses of hyperactivity and dental caries. So, from the homeopathic principle of similarity,
homeopathically diluted sugar should prevent subluxation! And, according to testimonials, it works!

I call the remedy Subluxnomor, and hereby place it in the Public Domain.

Here's how to make it:

Add one granule of refined cane sugar to one quart of water in a clean one-quart container. Stir twelve times with a silver spoon. Let sit for twelve hours. Then tap the container at its vertical midpoint three times with the erasure end of a virgin, unsharpened #2 pencil. Rotate the container 180 degree clockwise, and tap four times at the vertical quarter-point with the non-erasure end of the pencil. Rotate the container 180 degrees counter-clockwise and let sit for another 12 hours. Fill your bathtub with water. Add one drop of the ultra-diluted sugar to the bathtub water. Dump the rest of mix down the toilet. Flush the toilet twice, and put the seat lid down. Rinse and refill the container with clean water. Put the container on the floor next to the bathtub for 24 hours so the memory-energy of the mix can migrate through the tub wall into the container. That's it! You've just made your first batch of Subluxnomor!

To use it, add one drop of Subluxnomor to a glass of water, and drink the water immediately, first thing in the morning. Do this daily for 30 days, then weekly for four weeks, monthly for 12 months, and annually thereafter. The result -- no more subluxations, ever! You can verify your subluxation-free condition by asking any medical or osteopathic doctor whether they can detect any vertebral subluxations in your spine.

Don't ask any chiropractors about Subluxnomor, because they are jealous of homeopaths and may seek to ridicule your Subluxnomor regimen by questioning the logic of the treatment. The last thing you need is the stress of hearing a chiropractor trying to challenge logic. If you are exposed to such a situation, my recommendation is to restart your Subluxnomor program from the daily-dose level as an extra-preventive measure.